Jewell's Wait list.....God's Waiting Room

I received my letter today. While it was not the worst it wasn't the best either. 3 options: accepted, wait list, or declined. Apparently I'm just shy of being good enough to out-right accept; I am officially on the wait list for the program which begins in May '09. Of course at first I was completely crushed, upset....then I just felt numb and empty. I'm amused a little at myself saying only days ago that regardless of the outcome I just wanted to know... Now I think the not-knowing was better. I could at least live in the fantasy that I would indeed be accepted. Deep down I was scared and afraid I wouldn't get in. I knew that was a very real possibility but yet a part of me refused to believe it until it happened. Apparently, though, the wait list is quite fluid and changes quickly. Thing is, I have to wait until someone decides to drop out, decides they aren't ready or something happens in their lives that they have to put off participating for now. My happiness depends on someone else's tragedy in a way.... The thing that comes to mind as a comparison is the families who are waiting for a transplant... A far cry I know but still, you want to live or your loved one to live and yet you know your livelihood depends on someone else's demise. Part of me is afraid that should I officially be accepted the happiness will be tainted knowing that I was not only not "first choice" (am i in a draft now?) and that I'm in because someone else's life changed so dramatically that they couldn't pursue their own dream.

Ultimately I have no doubt this is God's way of telling me I have to learn to let go and stop holding on for dear life to every thing I want, to every plan I make, and to every great idea I have for my life. Jon has had his KCPD dreams put on hold as the department has been put on a hiring freeze and there won't be Academy possibilities until next Spring. We were definitely counting on that one far too much and far too early. Similarly we had everything all planned out with my program. He'd finish his training before I started my program, we'd both have good solid jobs by our 4th anniversary and ta-da! Life would be as it should. Mmmhmm. I have no doubt things will indeed work out (ok a little doubt) and we will most likely both get what we have dreamed for and wanted so much. It's that whole "in HIS time" thing that gets ya in the end. It's not until it's too late that you realize you haven't let go...you haven't given control to the One who has it all in His hands in the first place. We can only do so much to control our own lives. While we can't just sit and wait for something wonderful to be dropped on our doorstep (like for instance Ed McMann) we also have to realize when we've done all we can to achieve our goal and then wait. Patience and waiting are definitely 2 of the most challenging attributes in which to grow. I'm continually realizing we have no right to even try to control our lives in the way we want. We are not the directors of our lives like we were positioning people on a stage.

I must submit, I must give over control, and I must learn to wait. And so I am waiting....and listening for that still small voice......

Patience....

Can I just say having to be patient really stinks? It's been nearly 2 weeks since my last interview with Jewell and I've yet to receive my letter regarding either my acceptance or, well, non-acceptance. It's like when you're a senior in HS and you rush home from school everyday to see if the letter from your top school is in the mail. Except I'm rushing home from work praying my letter from my ONLY school is in the mail. Talk about putting all my eggs in one basket huh? Thing is Jewell has the only program that's only 1 year. I'm just not sure how I feel about taking 2 years to finish a program because that means 2 years worth of loans. That's extremely uncool.

Pray for the letter to come..... regardless of what it says I just need to know.... If I get in I can celebrate and focus on my current classes. If it's bad I can at least start re-adjusting my plan and see what my options are before it's too late to apply elsewhere if that's what we decide to do. Whatever you do, don't pray for more patience - I don't think I can handle it! :-)

Classes and such

I'm officially back in school, yay lol My pathophysiology (online) started last week but I haven't had much of a chance to delve into it just yet. Last weekend was mostly spent doing filming for a friend's indy film - really fun but very long day! I just finished my 2nd Microbiology class and think it's not going to be too bad but will also take a lot of discipline to study. I'm currently kicking myself for going to National American University at all because I have little doubt my GPA would be much better right now if I'd just gone to Maple Woods. Boo. Ah well - Hopefully that part doesn't penalize me too much in my quest for Jewell's program. Still haven't heard about that but they're sending letters this week so who knows...maybe sometime next week I'll know my fate for the next 2 years and believe me I'll let everyone know (at least if it's good news...if not I'm not quite sure what I'll do...)

Pics!

Hey Everyone! I updated my former vacation posts with the pictures I promised :-)

Progress

I've officially completed the last step of my application process for the Jewell AT-BSN (accelerated track Bachelors of Science in Nursing). While it feels good to not just be waiting and twiddling my thumbs to get everything finished it's also a little odd to know it's officially and entirely out of my hands at this point. It's always been partly out of my hands - I want to be in God's will more than anything - but a small part of it was in my hands since I still had tests and interviews left to be done. Now...it's in Jewell's hands...And hopefully God is leading them in a preferable direction ha!

My on-line class began yesterday and my "in-person" class begins Tuesday. Pathophysiology online and Microbiology w/ lab in person. While I'm excited to be back in class, learning, and being challenged, it's been SO nice to not have homework to do nearly every night and be able to indulge in other things. I know it will be worth it in the long run - I just hope I can learn to manage my time better this term. I need to have that as close to down to a science as I can before the program! :-)

Boredom + stress = ?

Hey all, Jon writing for once. I'll try to note when it's me, so we can keep the confusion to a minimum. I'm at work, and as usual, we're dead. When you're paid $5 per hour and the bulk of your paycheck comes from commission, this is not a good thing. We're in way over our heads financially lately, and every day that goes by when I don't sell poop tends to wear on me a bit. I tend to be very segmented by nature- it takes quite a bit for me to stress over something, or to get unnerved in any way. This is doing it. I'm still waiting to hear about my Police Department application status; I'm on the last step of the process, and still waiting. And for the love of Pete, if people don't quit asking me "Have you heard anything?", I may have to bonk someone over the head with something that won't cause permanent damage. I'll freaking tell you when I know something, dangit. But, we're still alive. We may have an empty bank account and debt to our ears, but we're alive, and we'll climb out of it. I'm not sure how just yet, but I have a wife who's very good with money and a fairly full closet, so hopefully I won't need to buy any more clothes for awhile. The bad thing about retail consulting is that you have to look good all the time. For me, that can sometimes be hard work...or just expensive work. Some guys can throw on a $200 suit and pull it off. I can't. Not fair. Out!

Back to Reality

We made great timing coming back from the Springs yesterday which means I got to get my puppy back last night and relax a little before hitting the "rat-race" again this morning. I am very glad I told work I'd be in late to give myself a little more time this morning to get in the swing of things. Wish I had this extra time every morning! hehe

Our Last Day

Today we got to spend the morning sleeping in and being lazy, yay :-) We saw Jason & Hollie for lunch in downtown; really great pizza place we'll have to re-visit! It was very good to see and visit with just them as last year it was us plus all the kiddos (much more quiet this time ha!)



After that we spent time with the nephews and then the parents. Went out for dinner with the parents to a great local Mexican restaurant and then visited a little at home before saying our final goodbyes.

We saw the nephews again and everyone got hugs and even some rides from Uncle Jon
:)









We had wanted to go to a Rockie's game but that was a) kinda far away and b) expensive SO we settled for a Sky Sox game instead. Supporting the local minor league :)It was going well for the first couple of innings and then it started raining-really raining! So we decided as fun as it was it wasn't worth getting drenched! Here's a pic before the inevitable downpour



It has been a great week and I'm a little sad to see it end but it will feel good to return to my KC home, my own house, even our manic puppy Layla ha It is good to be able to return to those who helped shape who I am today, those who have been in my life during formative years. There is also the realization that there are so many in KC who have helped to shape my "adult" years since I moved there. It is easy to forget how important those people, and their influences, are in my life. As much as I miss the Springs, I am slowly realizing I would truly miss KC, perhaps even just as much albeit in a different way, should we return to CO permanently. Until then, KC, here we come.

The Rocky Mountains

Yesterday was our adventure day :-) It's been way too long since I've been through our mountains and Jon really never has so we decided that was the perfect adventure to have.

We drove through Denver (stopping to have lunch at Landry's, SO good) toward Estes Park. We stopped along the way to do a bit of trail hiking and then back on the road. From Estes we headed to The Rocky Mountain National Park. We took our time, stopping to take pictures and admire the scenery. (pictures to come later) We decided to take a different route home, going through Winter Park and then back through Denver. It was definitely a full day but it was worth it ~ That's the kind of stuff you only experience in the great state of Colorado! Again, some of our favorite pics~
















Amazing views and an important reminder of all the beauty and wonder God has created for us!

More food, friends & family

I'm realizing as I type this the main thread through all our trip and posts are food. Hmm... better hit the gym when we get home! :-p

We got to have lunch with just my brother today which was nice - Always nice to get more time with him without the kiddos climbing us haha From there I got to spend the afternoon with Tara - This was a great treat as she is one of 2 people I have been best friends with since Jr High - That was a loooooong time ago! She just had her first baby in April and this was the first time to meet Ian. It was a great time to be a part of her mommy experience for a short time. We went to Chapel Hills, the mall we frequented as kids, walked around, got Orange Julius' like when we were kids, and even went into Claire's to look at cheap jewelry and giggle at the teen girls in there who reminded us of ourselves 10 years ago. :-)

Meanwhile Jon tooled around the Springs, going into some stores, napping, and generally having some chill time - Very cool husband to let me disappear for an entire afternoon!

Tonight we met with my parents and god-parents, Rick & Kathy Kite, for dinner. It would not be a complete trip without seeing the Kites (we'll see her daughter & family Saturday!). They are indeed my 2nd set of parents and I treasure the amazing yet rare relationship we've always had with them. We were at dinner a good 2 hours and I'm so glad we had that time together. Yay family :-)

Nephews, Animals & Family Time

Jon's been battling altitude-sickness since Tuesday so it's good we didn't have much carved in stone for the trip-enjoying the trip is more important than cramming as much in as possible!

We laid low most of yesterday and then went to see the nephews around lunch time. After that it was nearing nap time so we decided to use some coupons my mom had to go to the zoo. It was fun although we got sprinkled on a bit it was worth it. We saw almost everything and got some exercise to boot! Here are some of our favorite pics from the zoo~









Last night Jon got hit with the worst of the altitude sickness and instead of the planned outing with Dad to go to Bible study, he ended up back at my parents house curled up asleep in the lay-z-boy. Again, glad plans are flexible! I had planned to visit with Stacie, a dear friend, to have dinner & catch up with life. Since my Mom was playing nurse for Jon and there was nothing anyone could do but let him sleep, and he was quite understanding about my girly-date I was still able to visit with Stacie for a bit.

Fortunately this morning Jon was feeling better. Yay! We met my Dad for lunch at Noodle & Co. - we don't have one in MO so I'm always glad to go when we're back here. We tried to go see The Dark Knight afterwards but the times for the IMAX showing changed from yesterday when I looked.... :-( So Jon & my Dad went to the shooting range and I hung out with Mom and saw a family friend to kill time before the next showing. We went back and saw the later showing-very good, very intense, definitely will end up buying it and watching it over and over.... :-) Got pizza with Dad afterwards and then it was chill-time, which is always a good thing on vacation.

With the trip half-way over I'm already getting a little sad about going home but am doing my best to focus instead on all the wonderful things yet to come this trip! :-)

Family Time

*Disclaimer* If you are in CO and I haven't let you know so we can get together I am VERY sorry but we only have a few days here so it's impossible to see everyone we may want to see. Don't take it personally, hopefully the next time around it will be easier to see more people :-)

We are officially in CO - Began driving Sunday after church ( and after we finally packed! ) and stopped half way in Hays, KS. On the way we took a "side-trip" to Wilson's Lake. Several miles off the highway we found it and it was very pretty although we thought we'd never find it!






Finished our drive in yesterday, getting here shortly before 1pm. Yesterday was also my Dad's birthday so we had a celebratory dinner at my bro's house with the parents, his wife Melissa, and the two rug-rats, Jonah & Mason. They both, especially Jonah, attacked Jon and spent most of the night hanging off him wanting to play play play haha








We got left-overs to take back to our hotel room (yay mini-fridge) but I'm not sure when we'll eat them!The matress however is hard as a rock! We hit up Walmart for a egg-cushion-thingy and it definitely helped, thank goodness! Unfortunately Jon isn't feelin' so hot so we're hoping it's just some weird allergy to the new environment and if it's a cold hope it goes away fast! No fun to be sick on vacation. We'll be hangin' out with the family again today so many more stories to share later I'm sure!