The Top 10 Do and Do Not's of the ER by Yours Truly

If, by such poor luck, you have to visit an ER I beg of you to keep these things in mind. Also as you read this list remember each of these things are due to experiences I've had with patients personally and quite recently.

DO
1. Bathe
2. Put on clean clothes
3. If not both 2 & 3 at least one of the two...
4. Listen for your name to be called
5. Listen to what you are being told to do so as not to have to ask repetitive questions bordering on stupid. (ie, when I say "sign, date, and print" you sign, date and print. Not just sign. Not just print. All 3. And don't ask me where do I sign/date/print when not only did I just point them out, they are not only labeled but highlighted. HIGHLIGHTED.)
6. Be aware that antics will only get you put further down on the list not higher. If you're being disrespectful and/or putting on an Academy-award-winning performance in the waiting room of how tragic your situation is we'll likely just leave you waiting as long as possible because you're pissing us off.
7. Be aware, we have security on stand by. Therefore rolling around on the ground, cussing us out or causing other such inappropriate commotion will only get you tossed into our specials ward where you don't have TV to watch and still won't necessarily get you seen any faster.
8. Be respectful of the people trying to help you. When asked for your information please be polite, we are only trying to help. Help us help you.
9. Understand that those around you who are doubled over in pain are going to be in higher priority than you who are chowing down on a big mac with no pause.
10. Be prepared to provide the same information to many people within a short period of time. There is no kind of verbal or technological communication going between what the front desk does and what registration does or information either knows. Sorry.

DO NOT
1. Eat while being registered ie Digging in your McDonald's bag for more fries or continuing that sausage mcmuffin you just got
2. Dig into those twizzlers in your purse. They can wait 5 minutes. I promise.
3. Ask the registration personnel how long you will have to wait. We don't know.
4. Complain about how long you're going to have to wait when you came in for a cough or a sore throat and yet have not coughed once in my booth and are talking just fine. If you come in with chest pain and we prove on an EKG you need treated, you're going to come back before the cold symptoms will. Just a fact.
5. Trash-talk the hospital while still being registered. Not only are you trashing the facility who I am employed by but you are trashing the only hospital in town that will not only take you without insurance but set you up with a discount program.
6. Talk about how much better the other hospitals are in town-if they're so great, GO THERE. Wait, you don't have insurance... Be grateful for what you have.
7. Over-dramatize your symptoms or pain level. Staff can usually tell and it just annoys us.
8. Think that we won't call security. We have and we will. (see # 7 in the "Do's")
9. Talk so fast when we ask for things like your SSN that we can't register it quick enough to type it. We ask for a reason and we have to be able to understand what you're saying.
10. Forget what mommy taught you when you were little. Cover your mouth/nose when you cough/sneeze, use the tissues that are readily available, as well as the hand sanitizer, and please don't cough/sneeze directly into the same hand you're going to use to hold the pen I give you to sign your paperwork. Speaking of paperwork please be sure to review #5 of the "DO's".

That is all. Thank you kindly for your time and attention. Next patient please.

The 2000's

Everyone seems to be doing a look back over the past 9 years. I've always been a sucker for peer pressure so here it goes :o) It amazes me how much has happened, changed, and begun anew in the past 9 years.

2000 I was graduating high school, starting at the community college for some core classes and trying to figure out what to do with myself in the semi-real world.

2001 I was leaving for school when a plane hit the first of the towers on 9/11. On the way to school I heard the other one had hit. At school there were tv's everywhere and we all huddled around them in between classes. We were right next to a major Air Force base and, I don't remember why, but mid-morning we were evacuated. There were enough "military brats" on campus that day to be freaked about what this meant for our families. We had no idea how much this would impact the next decade and beyond.

2002 I decided it was time to spread my wings, persay, and I moved to Missouri to attend William Jewell College. It was also the year that my now husband would graduate and head toward the same college. Our paths would not cross for some time but it's always interesting to me to look back and realize how much is going on that we don't know about and yet will impact our lives forever. I tried out for and got a lead in the play that first semester "Street Car Named Desire". I was so excited!

2003 I joined Alpha Delta Pi and gained a sisterhood I will always have and always cherish. Many of my closest friends today are from that sorority. It was also the semester a tornado would hit campus and finals were canceled for most of the students. YAY! That was a day I will not soon forget though. Watching a tornado touch down in town I felt like I was in the movie "Twister" which is not a movie you want to partake in. I was shaken quite a bit I'll admit. My dad flew out to drive back home with me and boy was I glad to see him! Living in CO I'd never experienced so much as a tornado watch muchless the real thing!

2004 I was entering my senior year and was given the responsibility and role of Formal Recruitment Chair for the sorority recruitment that fall. The girls did amazing things and we achieved our biggest class in the previous 7 years! My wonderful diamond and bridesmaid came from this class and now I have an awesome group of girls in my 'diamond family'. At the end of that year Jon and I would cross paths in a whole new way. A simple conversation in a common area on campus became a date to Starbucks and several late night walks around campus. Next thing we both knew we were having our last first date and last first kiss. It wasn't long after that we knew we would get married!

2005 I graduated from college! This was both exciting and scary as I didn't have any job prospects at that time. I went back to CO for a while for some friend's weddings and to have time with my parents. I moved back to MO permanently and stayed in my aunt and uncle's basement while I looked for a job. We never thought I'd be there for a year but I was. Job market was tough! That summer we got engaged and began looking toward a whole new life together.

2006 I got a full time job, we bought a house and got married - talk about big changes! After getting back from our honeymoon we settled in and realized wow, this whole marriage thing is way tougher than we thought LOL

2007 We got a puppy! I never thought I'd have one but we got a sweet lab we named Layla. We celebrated our one-year anniversary and slowly the steps of house-breaking our little addition and living through her teething process. Definitely not something we want to experience again! But she's worth it-can't imagine life without her now. I also started back to school for nursing at the end of this year making a new path for myself in life.

2008 Jon started the process of applying to the KC police academy. Little did we know this process would take more than a year and be a true test of our patience and faith. I was engrossed in classes and work every semester. The year went by fast although the days themselves were long.

2009 The year started fairly well but within a month of the new year I was laid off unexpectedly. It would take 8 months living on unemployment and countless hours applying for jobs for me to finally get one. During this time Jon went through the final stages of his application process and we would receive word he was accepted! Many weeks later we were told there was actually a start date (even more exciting!) and Sept 21st he embarked on his own new journey for both our lives. So far, neither of us have looked back.

As we end the year he is half way through his training and I'm enjoying my new job. I will start classes back up in 2010 and Jon will graduate and enter the streets as a police officer. Who knows what else the year might bring!

~Jess~

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